Life you just never know.

Work is really getting to me. I hate the way they will be doing things. I hate that you have clock out for this and for that. I hate that there is a committee to get a freaken day off. I hate you have to call some damn number to call and you don't talk to a person. This is such BS.

What do I want. I am having fun and making $50k. Fun and more money is important to me. Fun is #1. I want to feel usefull and have fun. I want to help and have fun. I want to love my job. I want to make a difference and have fun.

Fun, fun is important to me. I am 56 nd have not had much fun in my life. Fun thats what I demand.

There

Its been awhile.

Great news today. Chris's issue is resolved. Now he doesn't have to worry. Nothing over his head. It looks like Joe is getting married again. I don't know when but if its what he wants then I am happy for him. I do know Joe just adores Heather and I hope she loves him as much as he does her.

My job is to be supportive and I will. Well ok, today is Tuesday April 27. Chris was due on this day 36 years ago. I can't believe he will be 36 in a couple of weeks. It sure goes by fast.

I applied for a new job with Aetna and hopefully I will get it. I think. I want to start making more money and do more to help people. This just isn't enough. I know I will be good at this job. I don't know if I can trust J or R but if the job is for me then it will be.

Happy Easter

I haven't written in a few days. I went to Chris and NIkki's for Easter. I went yesterday. My dear Mason was a little terror. Hitting, yelling and being a bratty three year old. Chris isn't much help. Mason hits me and his mother and Chris laughs. He is a handfull. But oh I love him with all my heart. All the kids were together which was great. For me there is nothing like getting the family together. I just love it, Do I get tired? Yes but thats ok. I look at the kids and can't believe they are going to be 4 and Anna is 6. It sure goes bye fast. I don't know where the time goes.

Weight I did not do that great this weekend but thats ok. Tomorrow is another day. It helps with Neil doing it with me.

Polly is getting on my nerves but she is so miserable and making sure others are miserable too. She is very negative. I don't understand it. Why does she want to behave that way. She can make choices. She isn't positive about anything. But again, she never has been. Its exhausting.

Speaking of exhausting. I am going to bed.

I lost 3.6 lbs this week

I went to get weighed this am 3.6lb. I lost. I was happy about that. I will be more happy when I am under 200. I can't believe I am saying under 200.Why did it take me so long to say enough. Actually it wasn't me, it was Neil. He is getting tired of me being over weight. That s because I am tired of me being over weight. I want this done.

The leader today, said she lost 58 lbs in 6 months. I weigh 202 and I want to be 150. I will be 150 when I turn 156.Only on this birthday I will not start the descent of all that work going down the drain and me putting back on the weight. This is for good and I am so glad Neil and I are doing this together because it makes it easier for me.

I am watching a new program Kirstie's Big Life. She is struggling with weight but the whole world is watching her. Thank goodness they are not watching me. I went to the office on Friday and I was feeling self conscious about people seeing me and seeing the weight I put back on. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure. But I will succeed to lose and will maintain.

Celebrate Life

I went with April to see Marcia today. All I can think about is the impact she made in my life. I spent so much time at their house. She would talk to me when I hated my mother. Yes I did I was a teenager. I saw her Christmas and today she seemed so much older. It was very sad. I know she will be gone soon. She is in pain and that is very difficult to watch. I will miss her. No I don't see her much but she was there.

Tonight a great get together with my face book and school friends. It was amazing seeing these women. What stories there lives could tell. I am in awe of all their strength and goodness and kindness.Plus they are a blast.

Life is to Celebrate and we all should remember.

God is Good

Great news today. Debbie is in remission. Its a miracle. She had been told at one time she had 3-6 mos to live. Now she is in remission. I am sure her family is thrilled. I haven't seen her in a long long time. I will see her tomorrow. I am excited for her.I am also looking forward to seeing Nancy who also is a cancer survivor and also had a heart transplant. Terrific women. I am awed

First Weight Watchers Metting ......Again

This morning I went to my weight watchers meeting. How much do I weigh, TOO DAMN MUCH thats what. I weigh 205.6. I can't believe it oh what a lie, yes I believe it. Thats why I started WW again. If I thought I weighed much less than this could you can bet I wouldn't have been there this morning. Where did it end Or the beginning of the end what on my birthday over a year ago. I ate what I wanted, I started working at home and not walking or having support. I gained since then over 40 lbs. I am able to look at food and gain weight. Does that mean, I don't overeat no it does not. I can eat when I am hungry, when I am bored, when I am happy or sad or mad or anything in between. I eat cause its there. Wouldn't it be great if hmmm I wanted something good for me when I am stressed. I thought I was smart when I bought the Cinnamon buns from holey donuts. Talk about denial. They are 7 points and I can eat two a day. Ok I will eat two a day. Which is 14 points. I have 24 points a day. Now you know I have to eat an eat more good stuff. For me its I can have what I want but it has to be in moderation. Like right now, I have 3 points left and I want to go eat something so should I maybe. I am not hungry.

Off to another adventure food and wight and my life