Its evil out there

How can a little boy not be reported missing. They found a little boy age between 4-6 in S. Berwick and they are asking for someone to claim him. Imagine, well I can't, its beyond my comprehension how someone can kill their little boy and then throw him away. It makes me sick. I just can't imagine what that poor baby went through.I hope they find the son of a bitch who did this and they find out this babys name.

Are you a boy or a girl

We never have to ask that question or do we. We know what a boy looks like and we know what a girl looks like. So that is that. I am watching a documentary about Chaz Bono who use to be Chasity Bono. He is a transgender. He grew up a tortured soul. She thought she was a lesbian, then realized or always realized she was a boy trapped in a girls body. So she had surgery and is now a he officially and legally.I watch this and think of Andrew. He wants to be a little girl and he will be 7 is June. I am so concerned for him. concerned because the only one I see who is supportive is Sue. She just loves him so much and no matter what, Grammie will always be there for him.

Happy Mothers Day/Happy Birthday to my first love

Today is Mothers Day but more important than that it is Chris's Birthday. He is 37 years old. How? I know I just had him a few weeks ago. I know they brought him to me and he was screaming. It couldn't have been 37 years ago. But it was . I remember being so scared. What was I going to do with him. I said that allot through the years and still scared. But oh how I fell in love with him. He was beautiful. He was loving, cranky, cuddly and so dependant on me. Hell I was 19 years old. I knew NOTHING, less than nothing. I am so thankful that he came into my life. I thank him for putting up with me. I also am sorry for the things I put him through. I will love him until the day I die and beyond.

WEight weight weight AHHHHH

I am 56 years old and so fucking sick of weight. I am sick of thinking about it. Sick of talking about it and just sick of it. I am fat, thinner but never happy about it no matter what. When I was 13 I thought I was fat, I wore a size 3. When I got married at 17 (thats another story) I thought I was fat. When I weighed 122 lbs I thought I was fat. When I weighed 130 lbs I thought I was fat and on and on and on. So it happened I got fat. The fattest I got ws 205. The most I weighed when I was pregnant was 172 lbs. Have I gone on diets, well hell who hasn't. I did just eating hard boiled eggs, I went on WW a few times, Suzanne Somers diet, on who knows what else. So why don't I succeed withe this. Well really what does that mean? Is being thin succeeding. Do I get pissed when I want bread, cake or whatever the hell I want and feel I can't have. You bet I do. So I eat anything thats not enough worth eating. If I am going to indulge I am going to the best. I am going to eat Portland Pie Pizza, not any other unless its Alex. I am going to eat pie, the kind I really want and not just any pie. I am going to eat really good tasting fantastic food. If I want a damn hot dog I am going to eat what I want. I wont over indulge hopefully, but I will eat it. So I am not thin and wont be thin. But I am done feeling guilty about it. Am I hungry now, yes but is there something I really want. I don't think so but you know tomorrow I may have pancakes or french toast and I will enjoy it. Damn it.

You tube who knew

I am told that I should keep things fresh. What does that mean, it means finding out what the dance dougy is and to find that out is to look at youtube to investigate how to dance. I also saw How to speak Italian, so when I am in Italy I will be able to speak Italian. I will sound Italian. Oh yes I will be taking cooking classes and quilting classes plus I want to learn how to put in a zipper. All on you tube. Now if I can find the answers for the damn Loma test. On You tube

Don't say anything bad about my kids

I went on facebook today and Heathers mom sent Joe a note. I was hurt. I understand why she feels the way she does and I am sorry for all of them. Especially Heather and her girls. Because of the way it ended, he will not see Hannah and Taylor, Heather lost a friend who was honest with her. I understand Patty's hurt and anger. IfI was Heather's mother, I would feel the same. They never should have gotten together but they did. Joe was good for her, he fought for her and for her kids. I hope someday they will understand and forgive. But I am also concerned that he and Kelsey may be making a mistake. She is very young. The kids have to go through more stuff. Life is hard.But I choose to believe things will work out for the best.

I am tired

I am tired and feeling good but just tired. Of course I took my little pill so I can sleep. And sleep I do. I am so grateful about that. I have to sleep. I just can't write anymore

I laugh ....allot

It was so busy today. One call after another. I was so tired at the end of the day.I have been thinking about my jobs since 1996. The jobs have not been fun. I worked with homeless people, addicts, convicts, mentally ill, broke, sick. Oh sure I have moments of fun but overall it isn't fun. I want a job where I do allot of laughing, see allot of joy and of course I want $50k. So I have a job where I laugh allot, allot of joy and I am making $50k. I am free from debt. I having savings, and I am having FUN.

I am 56 and I am so sick of fucken drama

Joe and Heather broke up. Her parents showed up at the house today and told him he had to leave and they wanted her car. Do I understand yes I do, I would be pissed too. What I don't get is why people don't accept responsibility. She is in fucken jail for drinking and driving and killing someone. But its not her fault. She doesn't take any responsibility. That pissed Joe off. So he and Kelsey will be living together. I have a concern because its another relationship and kids are involved. Yes she loves those kids and they love her BUT how often will this happen. He is also depending on another woman. I get it but I hate it. I just wish his life would be settled.

You know what about me? I am going to Italy AND to Napa Valley. I am DEBT FREE and Money in the bank. Yahoo. Thank you for the freedom of money worries. I have a job that is FUN and pays$50k. I am a great sewer and a great writer.

Japan Tsunamie

What a horrible day for the country of Japan. I just can't imagine the horror of it. There have been so many disasters. Mother Nature has been so angry lately. Earthquakes, tsunamies, hurricanes, floods. Its been so crazy. I think God is mad. He is mad at the way we treat each other, mad at the horror of the way we use Him to destroy each other, mad at how we let greed take over, mad at the way we let people starve and suffer. Its no wonder He wants to wipe us all out. What a travesty we have made of the gift of life. I am so sorry. Pleae help me be better, please let the your light shine and make me humble.

Is there anything better than grandbabies. I don't think so. Ssaw them for breakfast yesterday. They were great. Joe can be a pain. But his kids are perfect. I just love them allot. We will be going to Kates in a couple of weeks. I will be getting a hair cut. How I don't know, Will have to color my hair first. Sometimes, I just want to say the hell with it but I don't I am sick of it. But I am vain.

Time to rejoice

Its time to rejoice and have some fun and to absolutely forget about dying. I have been having these thoughts that I am going to die, yea I know I eventually will but dying soon. That is so crazy. What a waste, its time to live. What do I want to do? Who knows. I know I want to absolutely spend much more time with my grandbabies, I really want to get sewing and learn more skills, get organized so I am not so overwhelmed. Have fun fun fun. I don't laugh enough. The programs I watch are dark. Why do I watch that stuff? Its a fascination of the psyche, but I got to laugh more. So what makes me laugh, my grandkids, my dog. Oh I don't know. But damn it I am going to find out.

Here we go again

I am so sick of weight. and what it represents. Out of control. I want to organize my life, which starts with stuff, so much stuff, whick will help with the money and the weight. I believe they are all intertwined. I am not giving up this time, I am giving in, Giving in that I have no control but am giving in which means I have to give in that they are all connected and with help this will be the year of success. I am going to succeed.