Its 2010. I can't believe it. So we all think about our resolutions. For me it is to be organized. Get my life in order. That means financially, get out of debt, save money and think about spending before I spend. It means organizing my home and space. I am going to throw things out and find a place for everything. But the big thing is to put away after its used. Now how about healthy, which means losing weight again. I had lost 33 lbs and put it all bag on. But now I am looking at high sugar, high bp and I don't want to deal with all that.
I like to eat, I like to try new foods and I love sugar. Thats going to be my big thing is cutting out the sugar. So Neil and I are going to do this together. I will be planning my meals and snacks cause that is what I need to do. My attitude has to look at this differently. I sometimes think of dieting as as punishment for being out of control. Cause I can get out of control. This morning I had my coffee, went into the refrigerator and there is a box of little cream puffs. You know what I did. I took them out of the fridge and had a couple, then before I knew it my hand was in the box and eating one after another. I finally had to throw them out cause I would have eaten the whole damn box.
Its a good thing Neil goes to the grocery store and does the shopping cause I am an impulse buyer. If it looks good, I buy it, if I think I need it I buy it. Then I eat it. Don't think I will eat one cookie, a little chocolate or a small bowl of chips. Hell no, I want more and more. So I am going back to eating a good breakfast, egg whites, small bagel, fat free cheese and Franks hot sauce. Then its fruit and yogurt. A snack of fruit. Dinner salad and meat. I love the WW ice cream. So here we go again.
I am going to look at it as a new adventure and to get healthy. It will not be easy but I want to be healthy and get my life under control. That means, organizing, financial, and food.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Its cold. Its December. What did I think it would be. I love it I hate it. I did live in God For Saken Florida for two years and hated it. Grandchildren were born and saved me. I came back to New England.
I am 55 years old, who knows when that happened. I work at home as a CSR. I get lonely, I miss face to face contact with people, customers, clients or co-workers. But I am damn glad I don't have to go out in the cold mornings. One thing about being my age is I can bitch and the older I get the better I get at it. Its such a contradiction because on the other hand I am content with my life. I have a great husband, comfortable life. My family is amazing. But I feel there is more I can do.
I do get lazy, I start things and am not that great at following through. I shouldn't really say that. Who am I kidding of course I should say that. I went back to school at 38 and got my BS in Mental Health. I worked with homeless mentally ill addicts for 10 years. At times, I would have done it for nothing and then there were days I wondered what the hell I was doing. Not one of my clients said when they grew up they wanted to be mentally ill, have an addiction and be homeless.
I am rambling, I don't know where I am going with this. Sounds like my life. What is for me the rest of my life? I don't know. What do I love? I think I love people but not always. I like helping but again not always. I love cooking but I am not very imaginative. I can follow a recipe but don't ask me to develop a recipe. I use to love to write but we know that takes discipline and again am lazy. I like to sew quilts but I am not as good as I hope to be. So what the hell. How do I figure all this out.
I remember when I was much much younger I thought at 35 I would have the answers. Now I am 55 and have more questions than answers. That ticks me off.
I am 55 years old, who knows when that happened. I work at home as a CSR. I get lonely, I miss face to face contact with people, customers, clients or co-workers. But I am damn glad I don't have to go out in the cold mornings. One thing about being my age is I can bitch and the older I get the better I get at it. Its such a contradiction because on the other hand I am content with my life. I have a great husband, comfortable life. My family is amazing. But I feel there is more I can do.
I do get lazy, I start things and am not that great at following through. I shouldn't really say that. Who am I kidding of course I should say that. I went back to school at 38 and got my BS in Mental Health. I worked with homeless mentally ill addicts for 10 years. At times, I would have done it for nothing and then there were days I wondered what the hell I was doing. Not one of my clients said when they grew up they wanted to be mentally ill, have an addiction and be homeless.
I am rambling, I don't know where I am going with this. Sounds like my life. What is for me the rest of my life? I don't know. What do I love? I think I love people but not always. I like helping but again not always. I love cooking but I am not very imaginative. I can follow a recipe but don't ask me to develop a recipe. I use to love to write but we know that takes discipline and again am lazy. I like to sew quilts but I am not as good as I hope to be. So what the hell. How do I figure all this out.
I remember when I was much much younger I thought at 35 I would have the answers. Now I am 55 and have more questions than answers. That ticks me off.
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