I lost 3.6 lbs this week

I went to get weighed this am 3.6lb. I lost. I was happy about that. I will be more happy when I am under 200. I can't believe I am saying under 200.Why did it take me so long to say enough. Actually it wasn't me, it was Neil. He is getting tired of me being over weight. That s because I am tired of me being over weight. I want this done.

The leader today, said she lost 58 lbs in 6 months. I weigh 202 and I want to be 150. I will be 150 when I turn 156.Only on this birthday I will not start the descent of all that work going down the drain and me putting back on the weight. This is for good and I am so glad Neil and I are doing this together because it makes it easier for me.

I am watching a new program Kirstie's Big Life. She is struggling with weight but the whole world is watching her. Thank goodness they are not watching me. I went to the office on Friday and I was feeling self conscious about people seeing me and seeing the weight I put back on. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure. But I will succeed to lose and will maintain.

Celebrate Life

I went with April to see Marcia today. All I can think about is the impact she made in my life. I spent so much time at their house. She would talk to me when I hated my mother. Yes I did I was a teenager. I saw her Christmas and today she seemed so much older. It was very sad. I know she will be gone soon. She is in pain and that is very difficult to watch. I will miss her. No I don't see her much but she was there.

Tonight a great get together with my face book and school friends. It was amazing seeing these women. What stories there lives could tell. I am in awe of all their strength and goodness and kindness.Plus they are a blast.

Life is to Celebrate and we all should remember.

God is Good

Great news today. Debbie is in remission. Its a miracle. She had been told at one time she had 3-6 mos to live. Now she is in remission. I am sure her family is thrilled. I haven't seen her in a long long time. I will see her tomorrow. I am excited for her.I am also looking forward to seeing Nancy who also is a cancer survivor and also had a heart transplant. Terrific women. I am awed

First Weight Watchers Metting ......Again

This morning I went to my weight watchers meeting. How much do I weigh, TOO DAMN MUCH thats what. I weigh 205.6. I can't believe it oh what a lie, yes I believe it. Thats why I started WW again. If I thought I weighed much less than this could you can bet I wouldn't have been there this morning. Where did it end Or the beginning of the end what on my birthday over a year ago. I ate what I wanted, I started working at home and not walking or having support. I gained since then over 40 lbs. I am able to look at food and gain weight. Does that mean, I don't overeat no it does not. I can eat when I am hungry, when I am bored, when I am happy or sad or mad or anything in between. I eat cause its there. Wouldn't it be great if hmmm I wanted something good for me when I am stressed. I thought I was smart when I bought the Cinnamon buns from holey donuts. Talk about denial. They are 7 points and I can eat two a day. Ok I will eat two a day. Which is 14 points. I have 24 points a day. Now you know I have to eat an eat more good stuff. For me its I can have what I want but it has to be in moderation. Like right now, I have 3 points left and I want to go eat something so should I maybe. I am not hungry.

Off to another adventure food and wight and my life

Food Food and mor food

I want it I like it and I have to have it. DAMN!! Tomorrow I go to my first ww meeting. I know I wont like what I see but have to be real and not lie or hide. Speaking of hiding. I hate the fact that I wont work in ME Thursday and Friday because I am embarassed at my size. I find that so sad and PATHETIC. That is where I am and there is nothing I can do tonight.

I want to say I had a great time with Ryan today. He is quite a boy

And she grew and she grew and she grew.....

Who grew? Me thats who? I have never ever been this big in my life. Its bad enough when your pants are a little too tight but the sweater arms are too tight. When I button my pants there isn't a muffin top its a three layer top. Food isn't the answer. Food isn't even the problem. The problem is me. What am I shoving down my throat. Why? Stress oh yea there has been tons of stress. Who the heck doesn't have stress in their lives? When I am stressed I want carbs, sugar all kinds of sugar. Right now I want a cinnamon roll. Maybe I should have it because beginning on Sunday it aint gonna happen. They are 7 points. Did I know that yea I did but who cares. Did I eat one today. Hmmm yes and I will eat another one tonight.Because right now it is calling me.

I know how sick all this sounds. But there it All I know is I am sick of thinking, talking, worrying about it. I want it done once and for all.

I bought a book Women, Food, and God and hopefully it will give me some insight.

But right now the cinnamon roll is calling me and I am answering UGH!!

Hear Ye HearYe Pat made a mistake and she didn't do the right thing.....WRONG

I was so pissed at work today. An email went to the call center stating Pat Hickey CSR took a call and the call was to go to Intake and the call dropped. She should have called the EE back.

I was pissed. One who the hell does she think she is and two I can't make outbound calls. I sent her an email and thanked her for the information and asked her why she sent it to everyone. After a few minutes she sent me oh I am sorry. Some of the women in my team were so supportive to me. They email my boss and told them they thought this was unacceptable. Faye sent an email saying it was unacceptable. Karen went and talk to the team. Then I hear from her Iam so sorry. Bullshit. She didn't like it that someone said something to her.
I have no problem when I make a mistake but I find it unacceptable for someone to tell the whole world. She is such a bitch to begin with.

It takes me back to when people want to humiliate me or I should say I have been humiliated in front of other people.

Well tomorrow is another day. She didn't apologize to the team either. BITCH