Will she or wont she? She wont

This is coming to an end. She finds out tomorrow if she goes home or not. She will be going home to her daughters and Joe. She, Joe and the people who love her will be able to breathe.

The DA has no case. I know in my heart things will be fine. I knew it a year and a half ago and I know it now. She and Joe will be able to decide what their future will be. They have been living with this over their head for most of their relationship. What will they focus on after? Hopefully it will be to enjoy each other and their family.

Their family is large. They have 5 kids between them. They are 6 and 3. The boys will be 4 next week. They all love Heather very much. I know she loves the children and Joe. I guess I do have a concern that when she comes home, she will look at her life and decide she has many more options that doesn't include Joe. If that is the way it is, it is better to find out. He does love her very much. Hearing him talk about her and how much he loves her makes my heart proud and hopefully not break for him.

Tomorrow we celebrate! Thank you GOD

Do I really need more stuff?

I am always looking to buy stuff. New stuff, gadgets,handbags. I try to fool myself and say I am not going to buy anything But before I know it I am watching QVC or HSN or go on overstock. I had a handbag come in today. I had thought I cancelled it but I didn't. Unfortunately, I like it so I am keeping it. I got The Nook today and I don't think I am going to keep it. I told Neil and he told me to send it back. Do I really need it No I don't but it feels good to get stuff. But being out of debt will feel better. So I guess I just made up my mind. I am sending it back. I also ordered Annah another sewing machine because she didn't like her other one. Come on, I don't see her often enough for her to get into sewing. Why do I do that. The sick part of it, is I will lie about it. I am going to send it back. It just doesn't make sense.

For me its stopping it. I have to take a deep breath and stop spending.

I have to figure out what to do and how to do it consistently.

A work in progress.

If only my kids would have listened to me

I am worried about Joe. I am worried he is going to have his heart broken.He has given her everything and she doesn't see it. He is not perfect but he loves her. She is going through the most difficult time in her life and he never thought of walking.

I on the other hand told him to run like hell. When he first started seeing her, he was concerned about her drinking. I told him run. He broke up with her but he couldn't leave her. Then she gets into a car accident after a couple of drinks and another woman was killed. Was she responsible, I don't think so but I told him to run. This week is a trial for manslauter. I don't think she will get convicted. But she is being nasty and so is he. She doesn't see her behavior at all. She has an attitude of her way or the highway. She gets mad at Joe's kids but her kids, Hannah especially is spoiled and manipulative. She says she is sensitive. Hannah is running her mother and her father. I understand her dad and girlfriend have had a fight about Hannah. She eats what she wants. She doesn'T have to eat what every one else eats. Well as long as she is able to get away with it, she will.

Anyway, I am going up there on Wednesday and am concerned because I don't know how they will be. If its too much, I am going to a hotel. I don't have to take it anymore. But hopefully, it wont be a bad thing. I hope to not be in the way. The thing that is ticking me off is now I am expected to take care of Hannah and Taylor. I wanted to go up there to be with my son. Be his support. I love him more than anything. Just because he is an adult, doesn't mean he doesn't need his mother.

If Joe would have listened, he wouldn't have married Beth, moved to east gish and met Hearther. But if he hadn't, Savannah, Cole and Blake wouldn't be here.

Oh yea, thats another thing. I wont be seeing my grandkids. I will try to get to see them. I miss them very much.

Saturday

SAturday, good day. We went to breakfast, blueberry pancakes. I just love them. We went to the home show and bought a beautiful cherry cutting board that is about 2 inches thick. It is from downed trees. It is cherry. I always wanted one like this. $75. which is 1/2 price. I know it sounds expensive but it will be around longer than me. My kids and grandkids will fight over it.

Joe called twice today. Heather is stressed out and taking it out on Joe. I just dont't know what to say to him. I want to tell him to run like hell. But he is stuck, so when I have my $50K in my account, I will help him move if that is what he wants. I want him and the babies to have a stable life. He will have it and I am proud of him.

I told him that Neil and I wanted to take turns having the grandkids one per month. We had a great time with Mason last weekend. In February we will probably take Joe's kids. Yes there are three but it will be great. Neil will take the Monday off. Poor guy. At least I don't have to drive to work on Mondays. I just have to walk into another room.

So this week will be challenging but I know in my heart things will be fine. Whatever it may be.

Food

Food, I think allot about food. What to eat, what do cook, that to buy. I do love cooking and trying new recipes. This past week I made three meals in one day and we ate it all week. Spaghetti sauce, was good and spicy. Risotto, oh my God I ate it all week for lunch, so good. Now I know why they call it comfort food. The rice was creamy and with the mushrooms , shrimp and cheese it was so good. So now do I make more this week. I can make some and put some chicken in it. My mouth is watering just thinking about. I made soup and I still have one serving left. So good, hot comforting and filling. Yummy! So I think I will make a clam chowder and I don't know what else.

I am watching the food network, "The best thing I ever eat. For me the best is creme brulee and at Buckley's , so good. I just want to go and cook something decadent or better yet have someone else cook and serve. Food, I just love food.

So tomorrow, I will cook again. Can't wait.

My sons love

We never know who we will fall in love with. A few years ago, my son fell in love with a young woman with two kids. She got into a car accident. She had a few drinks. A woman was killed. She is now going to trial next week. When my son first told me about her and a problem she was dealing with, I told him to run. Run as fast as he could. He said he tried, but he couldn't. He loves her. He felt and still does that he is suppose to be with her.

What if she goes to jail? I don't know how he will deal with it. Will he be able take care of his kids with out him. Will he manage? He is so much like his mother. Emotional. He says he is feeling sick just thinking of losing her. They really haven't thought of the possibility of her not being there, until today.

He doesn't know what to do. They haven't talked to their children. They all love her so much. Of course, her girls love her. His kids love her too. They love her and she loves them.

I really believe it will be fine. I am just concerned.

She will be home for her children and my son and grandchildren.

Politics

Today was a big day in Massachusetts. An election to take Ted Kennedy's seat. The democrat lost and the repulican won. Commentators thinks its because of health care but it isn't. Massachusetts has health care for everyone. Its because of the debt,and the sneaking around and doing things under the covers.People are sick of it. We were told that no more sneaking around and doing things behind closed doors. Well that is a lot of sneaking around. They have been lying and taking us for fools. People are sick of it. Sick of people who have gotten away with trying to destroy the country with the money and greed. They get away with it. It really ticks me off and apparently not just me. Everyone is tired of not being heard. Everyone is tired of being taken for as shmucks.

Politics is everywhere and we are listening but they better be hearing.