I lost 3.6 lbs this week

I went to get weighed this am 3.6lb. I lost. I was happy about that. I will be more happy when I am under 200. I can't believe I am saying under 200.Why did it take me so long to say enough. Actually it wasn't me, it was Neil. He is getting tired of me being over weight. That s because I am tired of me being over weight. I want this done.

The leader today, said she lost 58 lbs in 6 months. I weigh 202 and I want to be 150. I will be 150 when I turn 156.Only on this birthday I will not start the descent of all that work going down the drain and me putting back on the weight. This is for good and I am so glad Neil and I are doing this together because it makes it easier for me.

I am watching a new program Kirstie's Big Life. She is struggling with weight but the whole world is watching her. Thank goodness they are not watching me. I went to the office on Friday and I was feeling self conscious about people seeing me and seeing the weight I put back on. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure. But I will succeed to lose and will maintain.

Celebrate Life

I went with April to see Marcia today. All I can think about is the impact she made in my life. I spent so much time at their house. She would talk to me when I hated my mother. Yes I did I was a teenager. I saw her Christmas and today she seemed so much older. It was very sad. I know she will be gone soon. She is in pain and that is very difficult to watch. I will miss her. No I don't see her much but she was there.

Tonight a great get together with my face book and school friends. It was amazing seeing these women. What stories there lives could tell. I am in awe of all their strength and goodness and kindness.Plus they are a blast.

Life is to Celebrate and we all should remember.

God is Good

Great news today. Debbie is in remission. Its a miracle. She had been told at one time she had 3-6 mos to live. Now she is in remission. I am sure her family is thrilled. I haven't seen her in a long long time. I will see her tomorrow. I am excited for her.I am also looking forward to seeing Nancy who also is a cancer survivor and also had a heart transplant. Terrific women. I am awed

First Weight Watchers Metting ......Again

This morning I went to my weight watchers meeting. How much do I weigh, TOO DAMN MUCH thats what. I weigh 205.6. I can't believe it oh what a lie, yes I believe it. Thats why I started WW again. If I thought I weighed much less than this could you can bet I wouldn't have been there this morning. Where did it end Or the beginning of the end what on my birthday over a year ago. I ate what I wanted, I started working at home and not walking or having support. I gained since then over 40 lbs. I am able to look at food and gain weight. Does that mean, I don't overeat no it does not. I can eat when I am hungry, when I am bored, when I am happy or sad or mad or anything in between. I eat cause its there. Wouldn't it be great if hmmm I wanted something good for me when I am stressed. I thought I was smart when I bought the Cinnamon buns from holey donuts. Talk about denial. They are 7 points and I can eat two a day. Ok I will eat two a day. Which is 14 points. I have 24 points a day. Now you know I have to eat an eat more good stuff. For me its I can have what I want but it has to be in moderation. Like right now, I have 3 points left and I want to go eat something so should I maybe. I am not hungry.

Off to another adventure food and wight and my life

Food Food and mor food

I want it I like it and I have to have it. DAMN!! Tomorrow I go to my first ww meeting. I know I wont like what I see but have to be real and not lie or hide. Speaking of hiding. I hate the fact that I wont work in ME Thursday and Friday because I am embarassed at my size. I find that so sad and PATHETIC. That is where I am and there is nothing I can do tonight.

I want to say I had a great time with Ryan today. He is quite a boy

And she grew and she grew and she grew.....

Who grew? Me thats who? I have never ever been this big in my life. Its bad enough when your pants are a little too tight but the sweater arms are too tight. When I button my pants there isn't a muffin top its a three layer top. Food isn't the answer. Food isn't even the problem. The problem is me. What am I shoving down my throat. Why? Stress oh yea there has been tons of stress. Who the heck doesn't have stress in their lives? When I am stressed I want carbs, sugar all kinds of sugar. Right now I want a cinnamon roll. Maybe I should have it because beginning on Sunday it aint gonna happen. They are 7 points. Did I know that yea I did but who cares. Did I eat one today. Hmmm yes and I will eat another one tonight.Because right now it is calling me.

I know how sick all this sounds. But there it All I know is I am sick of thinking, talking, worrying about it. I want it done once and for all.

I bought a book Women, Food, and God and hopefully it will give me some insight.

But right now the cinnamon roll is calling me and I am answering UGH!!

Hear Ye HearYe Pat made a mistake and she didn't do the right thing.....WRONG

I was so pissed at work today. An email went to the call center stating Pat Hickey CSR took a call and the call was to go to Intake and the call dropped. She should have called the EE back.

I was pissed. One who the hell does she think she is and two I can't make outbound calls. I sent her an email and thanked her for the information and asked her why she sent it to everyone. After a few minutes she sent me oh I am sorry. Some of the women in my team were so supportive to me. They email my boss and told them they thought this was unacceptable. Faye sent an email saying it was unacceptable. Karen went and talk to the team. Then I hear from her Iam so sorry. Bullshit. She didn't like it that someone said something to her.
I have no problem when I make a mistake but I find it unacceptable for someone to tell the whole world. She is such a bitch to begin with.

It takes me back to when people want to humiliate me or I should say I have been humiliated in front of other people.

Well tomorrow is another day. She didn't apologize to the team either. BITCH

This is a repeat....Monday Monday

Monday Monday is right and I am sick of the rain. It is very depressing. The weather is horrible everywhere. Its like the United States is gloomy. Of course its gloomy. There doesn't seem to be much optimism. But

I have money $5mil. Neil has $5mil My kids have $1mil each, My grandkids have $1mil in a trust fund for education and then when they are much older.

Money willtake care of our needs.

Our marriages are healthy, our childr4en nd grandchildren are all doing fine.


thank You God for this abundance

Its Friday, Yea

This weekend is going to be busy. Tomorrow going to Maine, bringing Molly to the beauty parlor, going to look at fabricd and then to Hannah's party. It will be a little awkward because Heather isn't there. I haven't see them in over a month adn so much has changed for her and her little sister Taylor. Neil and I will be meeting her sisters and other family members. I don't know how this will go but for Hannah we will do anything. We want her to know that we still love her and she is still part of the family.

Famly is not blood. Love is

What a day

This has been a very frustrating day. The computer at work has been a pain. It would go down and take forever for it to work. I got up at 6:30, which was good. I was able to enjoy coffee and read the paper before Neil got up. Tomorrow is Friday yea ha. Saturday Molly goes to the beauty parlor and we go to Hannah's birthday party. It will be good to see everyone.

Anyhow we went to dinner at the Tavern and spent over $50. At a tavern, bar thats crazy and the food isn't that good to begin with. We should have just stayed home but we didn't. Came home and tried to set up the DVR. I did a couple of programs. So hopefully I will be able to record more. If not I will call Comcast on Friday.

I am tired, agian

Its maintenance day

Busy day. People were crabby but after work. I decided to do some personal maintenance. I did the eyebrows, shave the legs, and use new hair cleanser Wen. It feels nice and healthy. I do have good hair but I need to learn how to design my hair. OH I am so tired today. Joe went for a job interview. He is not a lazy man. When one door closes there is an open window.

I saw my dentist and he made me happy

A dentist made me happy. Now that doesn't make sense does it. Well he gives me a little gas and I am fine. I relax and he does what he needs to do. And I don't care. The time goes by quickly. Art is very professional and takes care of his patients. He loves his work and he understands the stress of going to the dentist. He says when he goes to the dentist, he also wants a little gas to relax. He told me today thatmedical people are usually the worst. That makes me laugh. I wonder why no other dentist in all the years I have gone, didn't ever offer me gas. Well I am glad I have it now. It works and not so stressful on going to the dentist.

Thanks Artie

Spring is on its way yea!!

I look outside and see green. It makes me happy. I love green. Its very soothing. Ok maybe I should paint my room a green soothing color. I don't like brown. Thats it I just don't like it. Bland bland bland. No life. I am ready for life, sun, color, fresh smell. When I see it all I see hope. Today I feel hopefull. I got a nice compliment from a customer. That made me feel good. It helps. There are days when I can't take one more complaint or someone yellling at me but its not me. Its the situation.But its almost spring. New beginnings. Yea. I am doing Easter and happy about it. Any chance to see my babies. They make me smile

Spring a new beginning. I hope so

What a beautiful day. Sunny outside and warm outside. We all know hate housework. I did some cleaning today. My bedroom and bathroom looks good. I vacuumed. I dyed my hair. Ye ha. My hair is getting longer and I think I like it. I still have to wax but I am not in the mood. I bought some Advil pm so hopefully I will sleep tonight. I am tired now.

I will be having Easter here this year. It won't be fancy but it should be fun with the kids. Hopefully we can have an Easte Egg Hunt an kids playing together. I love spring.

God are you there? Can I talk to you?

Dear God,

Have you been around? Are you working with someone else or are you sending things our way to see if we have the right stuff. Ok, I know I as a parent have made mistakes but how long does my family have to pay for it. You know Joe, we didn't think Heather would be sent to jail. Joe doesn't do too well by himself. He really wants to be a good dad. He wants to have his children with him. But he keeps losing his jobs because of the economy. Can you give him a break. I am counting on you to provide a job for him, money to take care of his family, a home for his family, and somehow Heather. Is that too much to expect. I don't think so. When I say money I mean enough to take care of his needs. Housing, food, bills paid including insurance health and car. Come on God you are bigger than all of us and all of this. I counted on you to make this right for Joe and his family. The family for him includes Heather, Hannah, Taylor, and Anna, Blake and Cole. I don't understand why its so hard for him. So God where are you? I need to know that you are going to take care of my kids. How many men who are divorced work as hard as he has to take care of his kids. Well come on he wants to be bad a good day.

I count on you so please give Joe a break. I don't know how much more he can take. His name is not Job but Joe and he is only 29.

I am pretty much begging you to give Joe what he needs, job, money, home, Heather. So come on do your job and give him these things.

While we are at it. Give Neil a great job that pays him $200K, I want $50K and I want this thing with Chris to go away. You are bigger than all of us so I expect big things from you.

Ok I am still begging. Please God?

Neil and I are making $250k per year

I am so thrilled that Neil and I are making enough money to take care of our family. Joe at this time knows that we can take of him if it needs to be done. The bills are taken care of. We are able to go to Disney World with our family. We are able to pay for it. We are able to gve them wonderful memories. Neil has a wonderful job that pays him well and he is appreciated. I have a wonderful job that pays me well and love. I am appreciated and I am doing a damn good job.

We are grateful

A life, my hours have changed...for now anyhow

I got a call today from my boss. Yahoo, I will be working from 9:30-6:00 beginning tomorrow. What does that mean for me? Well, dinner with Neil. Going out after work,maybe a quilting class, shows, drinks with Neil and maybe others. Hopefully. It will be light soon after work. Sitting outside. I am so excited. It sounds nuts but no more working till 8.

Is there a con for this yep but I will live with it. I will miss hours when I have to see a doctor. Oh well, thats life.

Thank you for thisw

Why does space and exploring space excite me.

Tonight is we watched going to the moon in 1969. Watching it was exciting. I remember watching it and getting excited. I don't remember the last time this country was excited about much of anything. It seems for so long we have been talking about negative issues. The economy is awful, war is all around us, health care or lack of it, horrible housing situations. I don't know how long it can go on. We need to look at something that is extraordinary. Back in 69 it was walking on the moon. Today I don't know. But we need this. We need hope. We need dreams. We need to get our imaginations excited.Plus we need to see all this happen. We need the possibilities and see the possibilities realized